my trip

My visit with my mom.
I got there on Fri after a good flight. My brother Michael picked me up from thet airport. When i saw my Mom it was indescribable. She was so thin, so so thin and drawn and that horrible bruise. She look so different from back in Dec when i was there. She was in pain, constant pain. (Hospice has since changed her meds around and she is better from what i hear now) It didn't take long for me to see some confusion in her eyes and the dementia was there. Not bad, but enough to catch you off guard. She would get up in the AM and get her liquid Morphine (orally) have her coffee outside, sit and talk. Michael would make breakfast and we'd all eat until we could pop. and around 11,12 or 1 depending on the day mom would take like a 4-5 hour nap. and then Michael would make an enormous dinner. Im not joking either. Mom eats pretty good. The day before i left her ankles started swelling. Her body is not processing fluids as it should. It is pushing it into the tissues instead of filtering it out of her body.
The night before i left i talked to mom in her room. (she was surprised that i was leaving in the AM as no one had told her i was leaving on tues. :( we had told her several times. so i said it must have gotten left out with the arrival of so many of us. my uncle was there too)
We talked and i told her I will miss her and that it's hard. She told me I'd be ok. That its hard for her only because of us kids. I told her I'd miss her saying "Hey, Baby" she said that there was a time I didn't want her to say that because i wasn't a baby. And she said I'd always be her baby. Well, im glad she didnt stop saying it. We talked about who she'd see. She'd see Little Momma- her grandmother. Nana- her Mom, Jim- the man she should be married to but he died 12 yrs ago, Michael- her first husband he just died a couple months ago. David- Tinas first husband, uncle Billy- my moms uncle, My grandma Grace- my dads mom, shoot Betty and Bill- Bens parents. We talked about Toby her dog she put down in Dec and Nolo JIms dog who she had to put down when jim died. Dutches- my Nanas dog who my mom got when Nana died and she had to be put down to i think she was 19 yrs old. Tealee- our dog when we were little and i told her snowball our cat might be there but he'd be a little mad, as my mom had ran him over. She laughed she thought it was funny. Ofcourse there are a lot more people that will be there to welcome my mom.
Friday morning. i woke up at 4am because i couldn't sleep and laid there until 6:30. got up showered, got ready and not wanting to wake anyone waited for them to get up. It was about 7:15. We ate and had coffee took a couple pics and before we knew it it was 9am. i had to go. I kissed my Mom about 100 times. I didn't want to leave. that was it. My brothers took me to the airport.
My first flight to DFW was crazy we were going down the runway, engines going pretty good and all of a sudden the engines wind down and the pilot slams on the brake. Tower control told them to stop. we were going to hit another plane. Our flight had a lot of turbulence and from what i could tell we had a pilot who flew like a teenager drives. my flight from DFW to Tulsa was fine. I missed the kids horribly and when i got to them i got lots of hugs and i went to put my hands out for Abbie and she looked at me like Are you for real? are you really there? and hugged me and wouldn't lift her head up. Like she got me and was never letting go. I will never leave her again.